"My Father Was an Anonymous Sperm Donor"

I had completely forgotten that Jon Merz shared this all-too-predictable but very poignant story with me in December. It is the story of the future of sperm donation: lots and lots and lots of kids out looking for the guys who were told "here's some cash for your sperm and don't worry, the kids will never know who you are." The guys, in other words, who are their biological parents. It is a story in the Washington Post that contains quite a rant, amounting to this:

When she was 32, my mother -- single, and worried that she might never marry and have a family -- allowed a doctor wearing rubber gloves to inject a syringe of sperm from an unknown man into her uterus so that she could have a baby. I am the result: a donor-conceived child. And for a while, I was pretty angry about it.

I was angry at the idea that where donor conception is concerned, everyone focuses on the "parents" -- the adults who can make choices about their own lives. The recipient gets sympathy for wanting to have a child. The donor gets a guarantee of anonymity and absolution from any responsibility for the offspring of his "donation." As long as these adults are happy, then donor conception is a success, right?

Not so. The children born of these transactions are people, too. Those of us in the first documented generation of donor babies -- conceived in the late 1980s and early '90s, when sperm banks became more common and donor insemination began to flourish -- are coming of age, and we have something to say.

I'm here to tell you that emotionally, many of us are not keeping up. We didn't ask to be born into this situation, with its limitations and confusion. It's hypocritical of parents and medical professionals to assume that biological roots won't matter to the "products" of the cryobanks' service, when the longing for a biological relationship is what brings customers to the banks in the first place.

We offspring are recognizing the right that was stripped from us at birth -- the right to know who both our parents are.

And we're ready to reclaim it.

I grow tired of saying that we told you so, but we did. Now let's get this straight: any clinic that provides donor insemination without insisting that in order to be candidates for the procedure, prospective parents promise to tell their offspring about the donation, is engaging in malpractice. Period. Wake up, ASRM. These kids are not kidding.

Got Sperm?

From the Austin, Texas Craigslist:

Do you have sperm?
Reply to: pers-257738127@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-04, 6:43PM CST

Attention Austin gentlemen! My name is “Katherine” and I am a 38 year old single woman. I have been on a 15 year search of a husband to no avail. I was eager to marry so I could start a family; however, have recently set the search of marriage aside for a greater one, the one of becoming a mother.

Where you fit in: Two words: Baby lust. I desperately want to have a biological child. Therefore, I am in search of a sperm donor...the old fashioned way! I am willing to pay you $2000 for the first time encounter, and $500 for each additional encounter, in the event the previous one(s) did not take. This encounter would be dependent on my monthly ovulation cycle.

Qualifications: I am looking for a man (married, unmarried, I don't care!) who is healthy and attractive between the age ranges of 18 and 45. I do ask for results of a recent AIDS test; preferably in the last 3 months. I am open to a heterosexual or homosexual man. Given that I am determined to become pregnant through intercourse, we will have to have sex. If you are a homosexual man, I am open to options for your arousal such as pornographic material or sex toys in order to reach the needed erect state. I also remain open to other such as bringing your partner and allowing you to do what you do, and when you are ready to ejaculate is when I’ll step in. Physically I consider myself a head turner. I am a petite size 4. I have black hair and blue/green eyes plus a nice smile. A lack of husband does not mean lack of suitors; but I am not in the business of being deceitful on my quest for a child.

Thor's Sperm

You couldn't make up a joke as good as the story in the Times today about the Arhus sperm bank Cryos International, which is marketing sperm from the men of Denmark by playing on the Scandanavian mystique, as well as the high success rates encountered with that sperm and the laws there that protect the anonymity of donors. One of us is on record in the journal Human Reproduction about the dangers of anonymous donation, but frankly the customers of this bank are already so far gone that issues about the risks of anonymity for their children are the least of their problems. File this under "soon to be a movie."